Ok so, I’ve made mistakes with people. No mystery there. And while I could sit here and dress it up with context or long explanations, I won’t — because none of it changes the fact that many of those mistakes were rooted in my own insecurity and anxiety. No dramatic excuse. Just a reality I’ve had to face more and more as I look back on moments I wish I had handled better.
But I want to be clear about something, mostly for myself — I’ve never been malicious. I’ve never set out to hurt anyone, mentally or physically. And even when I’ve lost my cool or melted down emotionally — which, yes, has happened more than once — I’ve never had any sort of serious thought to retaliate, to lash out, or to seek some kind of vindictive satisfaction. That’s just not in me. That’s never been how I operate.
My missteps, the ones I regret most, have almost always come from fear. Fear of losing someone. Fear of not being enough. Fear of being misunderstood or unseen. None of that justifies anything, of course — but it helps me understand where I was at, and where I no longer want to be.
I’m not perfect. But I do know who I am, morally. I don’t waver on that. I may doubt myself as a person sometimes, as an artist, as a man — but when it comes to how I treat others, and what I stand for at the core, I don’t have any sort of moral confusion. I’ve never once crossed certain lines, and I never will.
It’s important to say these things, even if only to get them out of my head and into the world. Because growth isn’t always a reinvention — sometimes it’s a return to what’s always been true about you, underneath it all.
And that’s where I’m heading. Finally. Now, to keep learning, moving and growing even more.